Mental Health in Academia: A Personal Journey

Purpose of This Article

1. If you feel depressed or anxious, seek counseling early.
2. To help eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health among researchers.

My Graduate School Experience

I initially failed to join my first-choice professor's lab and settled for my second choice. Despite the field being good, I struggled.

Eventually, I had to change advisors. My professor began avoiding me, not responding to messages, and even hiding to avoid me at the end of the day.

This was emotionally challenging. I pushed myself harder, working late nights to improve my research results. My partner noticed how much I was struggling.

When I finally caught my advisor in the hallway, I resigned. They seemed indifferent, telling me to clear out quickly.

Seeking New Opportunities

I approached my first-choice professor again, but after a week's consideration, they suggested I look elsewhere, saying they didn't see potential for my success in academia through their lab.

This was devastating. I felt my lifelong dream slipping away.

After many struggles, I joined the lab of a young, newly appointed professor - my fifth choice. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We still maintain a good relationship, and I secured a great postdoc position in the US.

Postdoc Challenges and Mental Health Realization

The postdoc journey was tough. Two years without publications, unrecognized hard work, and unsuccessful job applications left me feeling defeated.

At my partner's urging, I sought psychiatric help. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, which I had been struggling with since graduate school. This explained my inefficiency despite long hours of work.

Regular counseling and medication dramatically improved my life. I rediscovered what it meant to live 'normally,' reminiscent of my carefree childhood days.

The Prevalence of Mental Health Issues in Academia

Discussing with fellow postdocs, I discovered many were also on antidepressants. We all shared similar experiences of paralyzing worry over what were essentially personal ambitions, not life-threatening issues.

A Call for Mental Health Awareness

If you suspect you're pushing yourself to the brink, I strongly recommend seeking counseling.

Post-pandemic, there seems to be a shift in the US towards more open discussions about researchers' mental health. Conferences now include sessions on mental health and protecting the rights of students and researchers. I hope similar cultural changes occur in Korea if they haven't already.

Conclusion

While research and pursuing dreams are important, remember that life doesn't always go as planned, and mental health is as crucial as physical health.

Despite initial setbacks, I've managed to progress well in my career. I couldn't have imagined this when I felt all was lost.

I hope for a culture where discussing mental health struggles is met with empathy and encouragement, not ridicule or dismissal.