Mental Health: A Personal Journey

0. Disclaimer

I am neither a psychiatrist nor a professional counselor. If you suspect any issues, please consult a professional. This narrative is based on my personal experience and may be biased. I hope this can serve as a stepping stone for someone in need to connect with a professional.

1. Confession

I am currently receiving psychiatric and counseling treatment. To reassure my caring friends, I want to clarify that I am currently symptom-free due to successful treatment. During my hospital visits, my symptoms are checked and found to be within normal range. In my subjective opinion, thanks to regular mental health management by my doctor and counselor, I believe I'm in a better state than many 'normal' individuals who don't require treatment.

2. First Psychiatric Visit

My first symptoms appeared just before a professional exam. I would wake up multiple times during the night with my heart racing. Like most people, I was initially afraid to visit a psychiatrist. I postponed it until my symptoms worsened to the point where I couldn't study at all.

My mistakes during this period: 1. Due to lack of money and time, I only asked for medication, postponing necessary tests. 2. When the doctor recommended detailed tests, I again only took medication due to perceived lack of resources. 3. When the medication made me too drowsy to study, I stopped taking it without consultation.

Miraculously, I passed the exam despite barely studying near the end, and I thought the illness had passed.

3. First Relapse

Suddenly, I experienced delusional symptoms. According to my past delusions:

• Our language and behavior had hidden dual meanings different from what I had learned.
• The world's population was divided into groups, each using language with exclusive dual meanings.
• Different groups used language with different dual meanings, making mutual understanding impossible despite apparent communication.
• I believed I was naive for only learning surface meanings and that people were trying to punish me for not conforming to their order.
• I thought my family's lives were at stake based on my actions before falling asleep.

Fortunately, after days of sleepless deliberation, I decided to pretend these experiences were symptoms of mental illness, leading me back to the psychiatrist.

4. Treatment

When I first visited the psychiatrist during this episode, I was still delusional. I received proper tests for the first time. The prescribed medication stabilized my mind within a day and eliminated the delusions within a week. The doctor said I responded well to medication with no side effects.

Even after symptoms disappeared, the doctor continued scheduling appointments. When I asked if I could stop coming, the doctor insisted I should continue treatment for at least a year to maintain progress. Fortunately, I had found a good doctor. After a year of symptom-free life, I was taken off medication.

5. Second Relapse and Treatment

A few years after stopping medication, delusions suddenly reappeared. This time, my parents took me to a university hospital's psychiatric department. The medication quickly improved my condition. The university hospital recommended lifelong medication, which was devastating to hear. The doctor told me to be grateful for having effective treatment and to think of it like blood pressure medication.

I revisited my previous doctor who had taken me off medication. He suggested we try treatment for about three years before deciding. Fortunately, after two years without symptoms, the doctor is considering taking me off medication next year.

6. Counseling Therapy

In my personal opinion, the causes of mental illness might include: 1. External factors 2. Biological factors 3. Psychological factors

Psychiatric treatment focuses on biological factors, balancing chemical substances in the body through medication. While this approach is fast-acting and relatively inexpensive, it may not be as effective in preventing relapses.

Counseling therapy is more akin to traditional medicine, focusing on psychological factors. It involves modifying how one interprets external factors, resolving accumulated emotions, and correcting unhealthy psychological habits. While counseling takes longer and is more expensive, I'm undergoing it to help prevent relapses.

7. The Challenges of Counseling

Changing one's thought patterns is not easy and can cause psychological resistance. My counselor encouraged me to reduce self-blame and acknowledge external factors more. They also emphasized the importance of addressing buried frustrations and sorrows. Although intellectually understandable, changing thoughts and habits takes considerable time and effort.

8. Lessons from Counseling

Counseling has been beneficial in teaching me about emotions, something I had never learned before. I discovered that time spent in sadness and frustration is not wasted but necessary for expelling naturally occurring emotions that I cannot control. I also learned about the dangers of internalizing negative emotions and the importance of occasionally looking at the beautiful night sky, even when reality seems bleak.

9. Psychiatric Treatment Tips

• Never stop psychiatric medication abruptly, even if symptoms disappear. Follow the doctor's instructions for gradual reduction.
• Psychiatrists typically focus on symptoms rather than external or psychological factors. For more comprehensive counseling, visit a counseling center or clinic.
• For your first visit, bring your ID and make an appointment in advance as most psychiatric clinics are fully booked.

10. What Do You Talk About in Counseling?

My counselor allows me to talk about anything I want or remain silent if I prefer. Initially, we discussed the causes and symptoms of my condition, but now we often talk about everyday topics. Surprisingly, these conversations often end with me in tears, despite entering the session in a good mood.

11. The Need for Courage

I believe everyone carries wounds and imperfections to varying degrees. The difference lies in having the courage to acknowledge and examine one's issues.

12. (Unrelated) Study and IQ

During detailed testing, my IQ was found to be between 100-105, lower than expected given my occupation and education. This suggests that study and IQ may not be strongly correlated.

In conclusion, while I worry this may not be very helpful, I encourage everyone to take care of their mental health and treat themselves as kindly as they would treat others. If you feel you need help, please seek professional assistance!